Bloodsport Fairytales
by supersushicupcake
Summary: All Erin Oswald wanted to do was spend her summer in peace and quiet. Not fall down a rabbit hole with cross-dressing cake lover named Alex Liddell, whom she is unfortunately related to. Now toss into the world of guns, clocks and madness, the two relatives have to survive this twisted fairytale, and maybe find love along the way. Even if prince charming may not be so charming.


**I do not own HnKnA or any of it's characters. I also do not own Erin Oswald nor Uncle Sal, those characters belong to my friend Sleepingmoon who is collaborating and co-author of this story. I do however own Alexander (Alexandria) Liddell. So with all of that out of the way (and oh goodness i sound all business-y) I introduce to you: Bloodsport Fairytales! **

**Have fun reading, my peeps!**

* * *

It was a peaceful day in the sleepy town of Stratford-upon-Avon. With the crisp wind and clear blue skies, summer had finally made its peaceful arrival. And Erin Oswald couldn't picture anywhere else to spend her summer vacation, with finals finally over she could not wait to relax at her dear old uncle's quaint mechanic shop. The coffee-haired college student sighed deeply as she leaned her head against the window, eager to get off of the train from Westminster and enjoy a cup of hot cocoa with her relative. And as the scholar began to nod off, pleasant memories of past summers greeted the woman like an old friend.

She could almost smell the grease and oil that filled the place, along with the pungent scent of tobacco from her uncle's pipe. Almost even feel the warm hot chocolate mug heat her chilly fingers and as she plunged deeper into the loving warmth of her mind she was rudely awaken by a loud shout.

"_ERIN!"_

"What the—Alex?" Erin jolted as her bright green eyes scanned the nearly empty aisles, searching for the fair-haired brunette. But to her embarrassment she came up empty-handed, for the said person was not there. "Must have been my imagination." She lightly scoffed, which could be the only logical reason she could come up with. She hadn't seen her cousin since five years ago, when they were introduced as distant cousins twice removed by a great-grandfather or something along the lines of that. It was never really explained to them how exactly they were related but during that fateful summer they had grown very close—of course then they were forcefully separated.

That summer seemed so surreal sometimes, that Erin wondered if it ever truly happened. Alexander (well Alexandria) certainly was a character. But luckily for her since her cousin was an heir to a popular trading company, her doubts were laid to rest when she read that Alexander was doing business with the Chinese or opening up a new store in downtown London. Or that he was one of England's most eligible bachelors. Which now that she thought of it, "How could Alex keep up that male charade for so long?" it had to get tiring eventually. But alas, she could come up with no solution and instead focused her attention to her cart window.

As endless colorful swirls flashed by in the reflective glass, Erin could only wish that the wait could go by faster. Even though the scholar had made phone calls every now and again, nothing truly beat seeing one you cared for, face to face. And as Erin began to drum her fingers against her chair's arm rest, she couldn't help but notice a magpie resting in a tree as the train slowly halted to a stop.

"Huh? A magpie...how strange..."

She muttered beneath her breath before taking note of something she read in a book before— An old English superstition. "Was it bad luck to see one or two? Ah, bullocks...it's just an old wife's tale anyways." She waved the thought off before gathering her things and exiting off the train. Surely she was already too old to believe in myths and fairytales. Especially an ancient erroneous belief. And as she got off the platform the magpie gave out a loud shrill—

As if warning the young woman of the trouble lurking ahead.

**~.X.~**

Once she had collected her luggage and nodded at the stationmaster, Erin walked ten miles to reach the mechanic shop Uncle Sal owned. Since she wanted to surprise him with an unexpected visit the green-eyed woman asked his employees to keep quiet about her whereabouts until today. The plan was for her uncle to get quite the surprise of his life (well something along those lines), so she never expected their roles so be switched around. Calmly knocking on the wooden door, she straightened out her pin-striped suit and did a quick run through with her fingers through her hair.  
**  
Creak~**

Greens eyes quickly darted towards the house entrance only to meet with deep teal ones. And before a word could sputter from her lips, the scholar was promptly tackled to the floor.

"Erin! Welcome home!~"

A certain idiotic brunette beamed as they tightened their hold around Erin's waist. Well—

There goes her peaceful summer vacation...again.

"A-Alex what are you d-doing here? Where is Uncle Sal?!"

Erin gasped as she rubbed her eyes in disbelief, pondering if the short brunette was real. But since her rib cage was currently being crushed by the younger cross-dressing female, her questions were promptly answered. "Visiting...just visiting..." Alex hummed as the sweets loving cross dresser released her hold on her older cousin. "And Uncle Sal is inside doing whatever old men d—"

"You little brat I heard that." The said man rolled in as he playfully boxed Alex on the arm.

"Ow!" The ashy haired girl said feigning pain as she rubbed her 'bruised' limb. "Well it is the truth…you are old." Alex childishly pouted as the ginger haired man laughingly shook his head before looking at Erin. "Ah, forgive your younger cousin for tackling you…I'm still trying to house break this puppy." He jokingly referred to Alex whose pout only deepened. "Anyways it's good to have you back home, come right in." Uncle Sal smiled as he wheeled his wheel-chair back inside his home with Alex following behind. As if this whole ordeal was no surprise at all. In fact it was as if her long-lost cousin (well not so lost) appearing on his door-step was completely natural.

Well if Uncle Sal was unaffected by it, it was best to do as the Romans do.

She guessed.

"...I was trying to...surprise you by coming home for the summer but I guess that plan went up in smoke." Erin murmured as she followed the pair into the house and closed the door behind them. "I thought you were in Liverpool with your mother and aunt, Alex? It was on the news last night. Something about a big deal between the Liddell Company and an American one." Erin started up conversation with the Liddell-child who instantly had a frown plastered across her face.

"Oh yeah...Tch, some business deal." Alex grumbled before plopping on a nearby chair. Of course this statement confused the scholar who curiously looked in the fair-haired child's way. "It was boring. Basically...those Americans thought they would sneak in some loop-holes about the merger and steal some of the stocks and—"Alex paused noticing the blank stares she was receiving from both her cousin and uncle who was listening in from the next room.

"Uh...least to say I just got bored and decided to take a vacation." Alex sheepishly smiled before spotting Uncle Sal reaching for the hot coca mugs. "Ah! I'll get them Uncle Sal! Don't worry! I'll make the hot chocolate too!" The seventeen year old zoomed across the room before pushing the handicapped man out of the kitchen.

"Uh...if you say so...just don't break anything." He warned as Alex gave him a nod and shut the once open kitchen door behind her.

"...Take special caution with coffee mugs, Alex. Aunt Edith made them herself so they're very special to us." Erin warned. Not at all trusting her cousin in the kitchen, if she had learned anything from that fateful summer, it was that Alex could turn the most simplest of tasks into disasters.

"Still motherly as ever." Uncle Sal chuckled before wheeling himself towards Erin. "So tell me, how was university?"

Erin shrugged her shoulders, not finding much to say about her college experience. "All except for flunking Introduction to Piano class again, it was fine. Oh, and a guy from the campus asked me out." She mindlessly said as Uncle Sal's grey eyes widened in slight surprise. "Well! Well! Looks like our Erin is growing up! Did ya hear that Alex?" Sal called out as the short-haired brunette peeked her head from the kitchen, her cheeks covered in chocolate and some other unidentifiable substance.

"Eh? Erin's got a boyfriend? What!" Alex's turquoise eyes widened in disbelief before narrowing in seriousness. "You don't need me to beat him up do you, cause I will I'll—"

**BOOM!  
**

"Uwah! The microwave!" Alex rushed back in as a large drop of sweat rolled down Uncle Sal's head.

"Um...Alex...you don't need help do you—"

"I'm good! No need to worry! I got this!" was the reply from behind the door, though both scholar and mechanic had little belief in that. The college graduate, with slight concern, turned her attention back to the ginger-haired man who seemed just as worried as she was. "Alex doesn't need to...beat him up because I turned the man down. He was one of the professors I had this semester." Erin continued with her tale as Uncle Sal nodded along before instantly jolting.

"Ah I see—wait what? A professor?!"

"He arrived at the school almost a year ago but he's apparently 'sex on legs' according to the campus newsletter and gossip. A lot of the women have chased after him since he started teaching." Erin nonchalantly explained, as if the ordeal was nothing more than a trivial detail. "But student-teacher relationships are forbidden are they not?" Uncle Sal scratched his chin, thinking hard about college life. It was certainly different back in his day.

"It is though that doesn't stop the classmates from fantasizing a taboo like that. He told me that he wanted to know me better since I do not stare at him like a slab of meat."

"Well I'm proud of you Erin...if this man really is this god of sex, then it would take a powerful person to resist his charms." Uncle Sal winked before giving Erin a thumbs up. And before Erin could comment further the kitchen door swung open.

**BAM!**

"Here's the hot chocolate!~" Alex kicked the door as she balanced the steaming coffee mugs on a platter. "Can't wait to—ehhhh..." Uncle Sal's mouth dropped as Alex set the steaming cups on the table, covered from head to toe in black soot. And with all the tell-tell signs of chaos on his niece's clothes, he didn't even want to think about the damage done to his kitchen THIS time.

"Please enjoy!"

Alex beamed as she handed a mug to Erin, the liquid (if you can even call it that) was a burnt charcoal sludge that still bubbled and hiss in its confinements. Staring the gurgling concoction for a few minutes, Erin sipped a small portion so that Uncle Sal wouldn't get food poisoning on the day she came home for the summer holidays. Suddenly her eyes widened in shock and she placed the mug on the table before making a run to the kitchen sink, spitting out what she had drunk. However, when Erin saw the actual damage in the kitchen...let's just say it wasn't a pleasant reaction.

"ALEX, YOU BLOODY IDIOT!"

…

….

"She's mad isn't she?"

Alex said with a twitchy smile on her lips as Uncle Sal pushed the mug away from him. He was a tad sorry he had to sacrifice Erin like that, but there was no way he was drinking anything Alex made again.  
"Yep." He simply said, already used to his kitchen becoming a disastrous zone. Alex had been staying with him for three weeks now. So he was already use to her horrible cooking and godless edible creations.

"I should run shouldn't I?" The brunette sheepishly scratched her head as Uncle Sal nodded. "If you want to live to see my age then yes you should run."

"Right."

Without another word to be said, Alex ran out of the house with Erin not too far behind. Uncle Sal could only shake his head at the two of them before he wheeled himself into the kitchen. He figured he better get started on counting how much it will cost for the repairs.

"UWAAAH! Erin! I'm sorry! Really I am!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Alex! You're going to compensate for the damage with labor!"

"I already am!~~ I work in the shop with Uncle Sal! Promise! Please don't hurt me!~" Alex wept before ducking behind a tree. She almost had forgotten how scary Erin could be when she was angry. Erin suddenly halted in her tracks and stared at the trembling teenager with a befuddled expression. "You're...working at Uncle Sal's shop? When exactly did you arrive here?!" She demanded as Alex stiffened in place.

"Uhhhh um..." Alex guiltily paled realizing her mistake. Oh how she wished her cousin wasn't a genius, and a fool like her. Well maybe not like her. But either way it was no use to lie to Erin now. "I may have been here..." The younger girl trailed off before mumbling the last part to a mere incoherent whisper. "Three….weeks.." Alex fiddled with her fingers, hoping that Erin wouldn't kill her, or at least take her snacks away.

Bright green eyes stared at Alex for a long time before the college graduate slapped a hand on her forehead. "...If you've been here for almost three weeks then why didn't you call me? Uncle Sal has my cell phone number and I would have...been more assured that someone was here watching over him."

"Well I couldn't exactly contact people or else those stupid detectives would trace the calls. I mean I would if I could but running away is kind of hard I would have figur—" Alex quickly shut up after seeing Erin's surprised expression.

"You...you ran away from home? Why?!"

"...I told you I was bored didn't I?" Alex turned cold before shoving her hands into her jean pockets. "Anyways...I'll...start cleaning the kitchen..." She quickly torched that discussion not wanting to talk about her mother. Her problems were her own and she didn't need Erin to be dragged along with them, besides she could handle it on her own. " Besides, it wouldn't be the first time I destroyed the kitchen." Alex joked before trotting (a safe distance from Erin) towards the house."Not the first time, Alex how many times have you—you know what, I do not wish to know." Erin rubbed her temples before deciding what typed of punishment she would inflict on the cross-dresser. " …Since you've destroyed the kitchen, we're going to have to order take-out tonight. You'll be paying for it, or half for the matter." The college graduate called out to her cousin. Of course that stopped Alex in her tracks.

"Ha ha...riiiiigghhht...um...what if I'm broke?"

"Damn it, Alex!"

Sometimes, things never truly changed.

**~.X.~**

* * *

**So basically this is a spin off of My idiot cousin and Holiday with a Hare, and has nothing to do with Struggle! or Conflicted!. And it also plays on the idea of Alex and Erin being distant cousins and them falling down the rabbit hole together. Also if you haven't read My Idiot Cousin or Holiday with a Hare, then i suggest you go read that, also if you have no idea who these people are...then you should definitely go read Sleepingmoon's Carrot Cake and my stories Conflicted and Struggle. But anyways stick around because things around here are definitely going to get...well...mad I suppose. lol Anyways show some love in the reviews or follow, we promise you won't regret it. :D **


End file.
